I See Who I Want To Be
by Blue Sky Noise
Summary: "Regardless of the weird-plot-shit she didn't feel like giving the time of day, Kanaya was here, both her descendant and the ancestor she had heard of just enough to seize her curiosity, and the poor girl looked like she wanted nothing more than for the ground beneath her feet to open and swallow her up."


It wasn't the look she would have gone with. A bit too vibrant for her tastes, but she could appreciate it. Good for her for being confident enough with her own thing to dress the entire outside of her hive in such a way.

(The pink polka dots on orange were a little much but hey, what did someone who had been dead for thousands of sweeps know about current trends.)

It was one of the nicer memories she had visited, and certainly the brightest. The phantom sun was warm against her skin, the whole of the surrounding area covered in its rays. The light was a nice touch against those many sail-like fabrics she had hung about the outside of her home, and further compliment to the lovely garden setting it was placed in. Porrim took notice of the trees as she passed them along the winding dirt path. They reminded her of the clouds on Prospit she had observed so many sweeps ago, almost as though they had been purposefully altered to them. Had they been? Perhaps that could be a conversation starter. Not like she had anything better in mind.

That was where she found her. A little ways off the path, gazing up at one of the trees, expression set in deep thought. What could require such serious concentration in relation to a bunch of plants she couldn't imagine, so she wasted no time in making her presence known.

"Hey there." She smiled, hoping to keep herself looking as friendly as possible. For whatever nervousness she harbored at meeting her descendant (ancestor? Whatever, this shit was too crazy to give too much thought), apparently Kanaya's was ten times worse. Or so she had been told. She hadn't gotten to speak with her directly yet to actually tell.

Which, when considered, she guessed could very well be a result of Kanaya avoiding her.

The younger troll jumped when she spoke, snapped instantly out of whatever daze the flora had absorbed her in. Her eyes went to Porrim, a familiar flash of yellow she recognized from hours spent staring into that same glow, willing it to dim. Had Kanaya not yet learned how to shut that off? Having the glow on in what was already such a bright environment didn't seem like something anyone would logically do. Another conversation point then.

"Oh. Um." If they could get a conversation going, that is. "Hello. I did not expect to see you here."

She looked ready to bolt, every inch of her body language screaming that it wanted to flee. Porrim's mouth twitched down. Was she really _that _intimidating?

Maybe it was the ink.

"I was told that this was where I could find you," she said, smiling again. Just had to keep the talking going. She would loosen up. "Your hive, I presume?"

"Yes," Kanaya replied. Her voice was strained, eyes fixed on the ground just before her feet. One hand gripped her opposite arm uncomfortably, front fangs visibly pressing against her lower lip. Without thinking, Porrim ran her tongue across her own, their sharp tips stinging it slightly in their usual way.

She imagined Kanaya's felt the same.

"It's very nice." She took a few steps forward, gaze turned towards the surrounding trees, though from the periphery of her vision she did not fail to see Kanaya stiffen at the approach, her head snapping up.

Well that was one way to get her looking at her.

"These trees remind me of Prospit," she went on, stopping only a few feet away from Kanaya and turning to face her once more. "Was that intentional?"

Kanaya glanced up at her, fingers curling nervously at the layer of cloth against her thigh. Porrim's eyes were drawn there by the movement, taking in the bright red material with a faint 'heh' of amusement. Not for anything on Kanaya's part, but the last article she'd seen in such a color was far less attractive (and was still spotless if Kankri wanted to walk away unscathed next she saw him).

"Yes," she answered, making a painfully obvious effort to keep her voice steady. "They were—er, I mean I uhm." Her hand bunched up against her skirt, the rest of her words coming up in a rush. "I made them that way. Well I did not make them. Obviously. They grew from the ground. I mean to say I shaped them—er—cut them. To resemble the clouds I had seen on Prospit."

Whatever breath she had left in her came out in a small huff, followed by a clearing of her throat and an awkward silence. Porrim took the moment to cross her arms, leaning her weight comfortably back onto her heels as she merely looked over the smaller girl. Even under the rays of the sun, she could tell Kanaya was glowing brighter than before, an embarrassing quirk she remembered substituting blushing back when that was still a thing that concerned her (after a couple hundred sweeps you built a bit of an 'I don't even give a fuck' attitude for those once flustering matters). So it looked like she rambled when she was nervous.

Huh. That was pretty damn adorable.

It was a little odd, seeing her. Of course she was an entirely different troll, Porrim knew, but the similarities struck something in her in an almost uncomfortable way. As though there was something there she should be remembering, something that should be coming to mind burrowed in her thoughts and squirming about when she looked at Kanaya but if she tried to pinpoint it, it would vanish. It might have been the identical pair of fangs poking out from her lips, or the hook of her horn that Porrim was certain would bend her fingers against it in the same way that her own did should she run her hand along it. It could have been the faint tint of jade in her eyes, Kanaya herself not matured enough for it to truly show but there nonetheless. That shade of green Porrim knew by heart, though every other time it had come into view had been a cause for concern.

It was like looking into a mirror. A mirror that looped her image into another universe where she and the person staring back at her were genetically related and thus had some sort of connection she hoped justified the strange feeling she was getting.

(Immortal ghosts and now this. On a scale of one to done she was now a well-cooked grubloaf).

Regardless of the weird-plot-shit she didn't feel like giving the time of day, Kanaya was here, both her descendant and the ancestor she had heard of just enough to seize her curiosity, and the poor girl looked like she wanted nothing more than for the ground beneath her feet to open and swallow her up.

And that was simply not going to do.

"I like your skirt," she said, smiling. "Did you make it yourself?"

"Yes." Kanaya lifted the fabric held between her hand slightly before letting it fall back into place. Porrim was impressed. It was far better than anything she could have put together at that age, no doubt. The design was simple, but it suited her and was clearly well made. A small grin graced her descendant's mouth as she continued. "It is actually the first thing I ever sewed on my own. It took several tries to finally get an outcome I was satisfied with and that was actually wearable, but-"

The smile that had effortlessly widened as she was speaking faltered, her sentence cutting off abruptly. Porrim frowned, and Kanaya's eyes returned to the ground where they had been before, as though she had forgotten she was supposed to be nervous in her excitement to share and was now ashamed. Her shoulders shrugged, embarrassed, and Porrim wished she could somehow get her to relax. Without this block of anxiety she had manifested, Kanaya was downright endearing.

"...I managed it eventually," she finished, far more subdued.

"That's very impressive. You've got quite a talent with the needle it seems," Porrim said, and the next step she took had her right in front of Kanaya. The younger of the two looked up, seeming almost to shrink now that she was directly under Porrim's gaze. Porrim's expression softened, reaching up unconsciously to stroke the shorter girl's cheek.

"You can turn that off, you know," she told her. "The glowing, I mean. It was quite the challenge to sort out on my own, but I would be happy to show you how if you would like."

Kanaya's eyes fell from hers, something close to a pout tugging at her lips.

"So I have been told," she said, and sighed. Porrim chuckled.

"There's no need to beat yourself up over not having figured it out. You've had far less time than I did to even think it may be possible to control it, much less how to go about doing so."

Kanaya's arms crossed, eyes still cast downward. The only response she would give her was a muffled noise that may have passed for a 'yeah' if one was listening close enough. It caused a small pain in Porrim's chest to see. The last thing she wanted was to make Kanaya feel inferior, but something was telling her that she couldn't erase that unless she herself was erased from existence.

Which was precisely what she had been trying to avoid in rejecting Meenah's earlier offer, so that was nothing that would (hopefully) be happening anytime soon.

She could, however, try and improve that feeling.

"Come on," she said, resting her hands on Kanaya's shoulders. "Why don't I tell you the basics of how to turn down that light of yours, so you can begin practicing it on your own?" She smiled at her. "Does that sound alright?"

Kanaya hesitantly lifted her eyes, and after a few moments the shyness Porrim saw in them changed to something else. Respect? Wonderment?

Admiration?

Kanaya nodded, and Porrim dismissed whatever it had been for now. The nod was all she needed.

"Great!" She took a step back before seating herself comfortably on the ground, patting the spot in front of her when Kanaya only stared in surprise. Once the other troll was across from her, Porrim leaned forward slightly and began to speak.

"Now, don't get frustrated when it doesn't work the first dozen times..."


End file.
